Depression & It's Darkness

Depression is hard. For those who have gone through it or who are going through it...you know.

You know well the depths, you know the darkness, you know the weight. It's hard.

Those of you who have never gone through depression, its hard to understand.

I read a really good book called When the Darkness Will Not Lift by John Piper.  It is excellent. He put into words what I could not. It's a short book so it's a fast read. Get it if you are going through depression, or if you know someone who is. It is a great resource for helping and encouraging someone who is in the middle of this darkness.

Something I am reading over and over again from this book:

"He has promised not to turn you away. “Whoever comes to me I will never cast out” (John 6:37). By this act of faith God will unite you to Jesus. You will be “in him,” and in him you will be now and forever loved, forgiven, and righteous. The light will rise in your darkness in due time. God will hold onto you (Jude 24). You will make it. That is his promise: “Those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified” (Rom. 8:30). The glory is coming. In the meantime, “this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Cor. 4:17-18)."

Another good one:

"Saints who cry to the Lord for deliverance from pits of darkness must learn to wait patiently for the Lord...Only God knows how long we must wait... We can draw no deadlines for God. He hastens or he delays as he sees fit. And his timing is all-loving toward his children. Oh, that we might learn to be patient in the hour of darkness. I don’t mean that we make peace with darkness. We fight for joy. But we fight as those who are saved by grace and held by Christ."

This is such a hard fight. But I have to believe that it is possible. I have to.
This is something I prayed this morning:
Help me fight God. Help me believe. Help me trust you. Help me feel it and when I don't feel it help me fight and believe it anyway. You have to do this and you promise that you will. I can't do it. But you can. This ache in me that feels stronger than truth and stronger than you. Turn this ache into an ache for more of you. I need you God. I know I need you. When I think that I don't...change my heart God. I beg you as my Daddy, please change my heart, change my mind. Give me peace. Give me rest. Bring light into this darkness. I wait..give me patience and strength to make it when I feel like I won't make it.
I'm so thankful for people of great faith who have walked deeply in depression, Martin Luther, Charles Spurgeon, David...it makes me feel not so crazy.

Psalm 143 - of David
Hear my prayer, O Lord;
give ear to my pleas for mercy!
In your faithfulness answer me,
in your righteousness!
Enter not into judgement with your servant,
for no one living is righteous before you.
For the enemy has pursued my soul;
he has crushed my life to the ground;
he has made me sit in darkness
like those long dead.
Therefore my spirit faints within me;
my heart within me is appalled.
I remember the days of old;
I meditate on all that you have done;
I ponder the work of your hands.
I stretch out my hands to you;
my soul thirst for you like a parched land.
Answer me quickly, O Lord!
My spirit fails!
Hide not your face from me,
lest I be like those who go down to the pit.
Let me hear in the morning of your streadfast love,
for in you I trust.
Make me know the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord!
I have fled to you for refuge!
Teach me to do your will,
for you are my God!
Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
For your names sake, O Lord, preserve my life!
In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble!

David knows. He knows well this darkness.
Here are Spurgeon's thoughts:

"Oh, dear heart, what is your condition? Are you torn with anguish? Are you sorely distressed? Are you lonely? Are you pushed aside? Then cry to God. No one else can help you. He is your only hope. Wonderful hope! Cry to Him, for He can help you. I tell you, in that cry of yours will be the pure and true worship that God desires. He desires a sincere cry far more than the slaughter of ten thousand rams or the pouring out of rivers of oil (Micah 6:7) See then, poor, weeping, and distracted ones, that it is not ritualism, it is not the performance of pompous ceremonies, it is not bowing and struggling, it is not using sacred words, but it is crying to God in the hour of trouble that is the most acceptable sacrifice your spirit can bring before the throne of God."

Spurgeon knows. He knows well this agonizing cry.
One last Spurgeon quote:

"I often feel very grateful to God that I have undergone fearful depression. I know the borders of despair and the horrible brink of that gulf of darkness into which my feet have almost gone. But hundreds of times I have been able to give a helpful grip to brethren and sisters who have come into that same condition, which grip could never have given if I had not known their despondency. So I believe that the darkest and most dreadful experience of a child of God will help him to be a fisher of men if he will but follow Christ."

My Delight, His Word

Read this today:
Psalm 1:2 "His delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night." - ESV
"But his delight and desire are in the law of the Lord, and on His law (the precepts, the instructions, the teachings of God) he habitually meditates (ponders and studies) by day and by night." - AMP

When I was in Rome a few weeks ago I went to a breakout session on spiritual disciplines, taught by the cutest little Englishman. God literally took me across the world to teach me about reading my bible. It changed my life. The basic things of being a Christian. Changed my life. It was a combination of being in a place of brokenness and him ripping away my pride, and recognizing my depravity apart from Jesus and His word. I was craving and yearning for something and turns out it was His word. I can't live without it. I will die a slow painful death of self and pride without it. I've noticed in being back to real life this week that I get so selfish and consumed with my time. How do I forget that all I need is His word?
I read this today from Spurgeon...so.good...

"His delight is in the law of the Lord." He is not under the law as a curse and condemnation, but he is in it, and he delights to be in it as his rule of life; he delights, moreover, to meditate in it, to read it by day, and think upon it by night.  He takes a text and carries it with him all day long; and in the night-watches, when sleep forsakes his eyelids, he museth upon the Word of God. In the day of his prosperity he sings psalms out of the Word of God, and in the night of his affliction he comforts himself with promises out of the same book.  "The law of the Lord" is the daily bread of the true believer.  And yet, in David's day, how small was the volume of inspiration, for they had scarcely anything save the first five books of Moses! How much more, then, should we prize the whole written Word which it is our privilege to have in all our houses!  But, alas, what ill-treatment is given to this angel from heaven! We are not all Berean searchers of the Scriptures. How few among us can lay claim to the benediction of the text! Perhaps some of you can claim a sort of negative purity, because you do not walk in the way of the ungodly; but let me ask you - Is your delight in the law of God? Do you study God's Word? Do you make it the man of your right hand - your best companion and hourly guide? If not, this blessing belongeth not to you.