Tuesday, November 16, 2010

7in7: Day 6

Is it normal to have the feeling of wanting to give up non-stop.
Surely that can't be good.
I don't know what it is but everything in me is going crazy and I can't sort through any of it. This whole 7in7 thing has pretty much messed me up.
I fear that at the end of this thing I will have nothing. No songs. Just a lot of random lyrics that are pieced together all messy like. That might happen. At this point...it's looking pretty good.
How have I gone from being excited and inspired to feeling completely hopeless...to thinking, "ok...maybe this isn't bad." right back to feeling completely hopeless. I feel like the "ok...maybe this isn't bad." part was just a false hope. Now being back in this hopeless stage feels even more hopeless.
Drama. sorry!
Just being real. Because for the past 6 days I've tried, I've pushed through, I've cried, I've thrown the towel, I've kicked myself in the booty, I've encouraged myself, I've beat myself down, I've slept, I've not slept, I've read, I've listened, I've written, I've watched, I've spoken truth to myself.
But I still find myself tonight just heavy with this pressure I've put on myself that is just ridiculous.
Some may read this and think...this girl is crazy. Or...she has crossed the line of being overly dramatic. Or...she needs to be on medication.
Whatever you are thinking...is probably true.
What I have to keep coming back to is truth. Bringing it back to simple and the fact that I'm making a bigger deal about this and about me...than I need to.
I'm messed up and I'm seeing this more and more. I'm seeing my need for Jesus more and more. I'm seeing how incapable I am of living apart from Him.
It all comes down to the fact that I need more of Him. He is all I need, just Him. No one else. Nothing else. No song. No lyrics. No melodies. Just HIM.

I would also like to point out that I have gone from Day 1 looking cute to Day 6 looking NOT so cute with my sweats and sweater and my blue balled slippers.
The end.

1 comment:

  1. I always thought we were supposed to get wiser as we got older, but I am only realizing more and more how messed up I am too!!!