Sundays are both amazing and really hard. I never realized how much energy it takes to lead 4 services until I started doing it every Sunday.
Yesterday was a hard day. I was already exhausted and was not feeling well...and also just emotionally tired. I felt like my mind and my heart were all over the place. So it was a hard day to lead. BUT...I love when God gives me these days because all the more do I realize my need for Him. How dependent I have to be on Him and how He doesn't need me. No matter what state I'm in...He still does His thing...He's still God. He still uses me somehow...in my imperfectness.
I did not write a song Day 4...but I did write. I prayed. This is some of what I wrote in my journal...I'm getting vulnerable...here you go...
God...take my heart today. I'm restless. I don't feel good. I'm tired. My heart is not settled in You. Help me to set everything aside and worship You fully. Forgive me for not worshiping you in the Spirit. Forgive me for my distracted mind and my scattered heart. Your glory is not dependent on the condition of my heart. Your glory remains the same. You are still God and You deserve all worship. You know every part of me. Help me. Help me to humble myself before You. Help me worship You in the Spirit. Help me be like You. Help me proclaim Your name before mine and before anything else. I just want You. Just You.He is still God even if I don't finish 7 songs.
sweet friend! I'm praying for you!! I'm proud of you no matter if you finish 1 song or 7! Your journal entry is absolutely everything I've been feeling this weekend. Thanks for being so transparent. And thanks for reminding me that He is glorified in ALL things!! Love calling you friend... :)
ReplyDeleteThat exhaustion is a glimpse of what it's like to be a mother. The adrenaline that God gives you to push you through the sheer tiredness and how to even function let along take care of a child who is completely dependent upon you... or to lead a congregation in an intimate time of praise and adoration to our God before His throne. BOTH require HIS strength to get you through.
ReplyDeleteIt's a beautiful dependence...
Love your heart and vulnerability, how beautiful said and glorifying to the Lord of Hosts! Our missions speaker the other day, said would you still choose Him as your God even if He never answered another one of your prayers? Would I? YES, BECAUSE THERE IS NONE LIKE HIM! HE ALONE IS GOOD AND HE ALONE IS HOLY AND TO HIM BE ALL GLORY AND HONOR AND PRAISE!! (Sorry I got carried away) Just can't stop thinking about that question though!!!
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