Monday, August 27, 2012

Earnest the Old Man

I just had the most hilarious conversation with an old man.
I was in Home Depot getting some wood to make some art projects, so I was walking around with two long wood boards. This is how the conversation went: (Imagine a man with a belly in his late 70's with no teeth.)

Man:   HEY!
Me:   Hi!
Man:   What are you doing with that?
Me:   I'm working on a project.
Man:   By yourself?
Me:   Yup! It's just an art project. I'm not building anything!
Man:   Oh! Are you married?
Me:   Nope! (I can tell this guy is a stinker & was just wondering where this was going to go.)
Man:   You aren't?! So you don't have a honeydoo?
Me:   (laughing) Nope I don't have one of those! (not really sure exactly what a honeydoo is)
Man:   Well let me tell you something...
Me:   Alright...let's hear it!
Man:   My wife and I have been married for 59 years and she is the most amazing, beautiful woman that has ever walked the earth. Let me tell you what works...
Me:   (oh goodness.)
Man:   You don't go to bed mad. You don't wake up mad. You do things together, you go places together. You laugh. You let the woman do the bills cause the man doesn't know what the hell he is doing. You have kids. You hold hands even when you are old. You don't marry a smoker, you don't marry a drinker, you wait for Mr. Right. Got it?
Me:   Yup! Got it!
Man:   You know you are just so just have this glow. You just seem like a really nice person....what's your name?
Me:   Well thank you sir. Thank you so much. My name is Emily ... what is your name?
Man:   Emily. I like that. That is beautiful. My name is Earnest. I don't like it though. You know? I didn't have a name until I enlisted in the army.
Me:   Really? Wow.
Man:   Yeah, I was Unknown Smith. People just called me Smitty.
(he then proceeded to tell me the story about how back in the day in Austin, there was a bad flood when he was born and something about leaving the hospital and his parents never gave him a name.)
Earnest: you want to get married?
Me:   Oh yeah! definitely someday!
Earnest:   So why aren't you married?
Me:   Well, I just haven't found the right one yet, I'm praying for him and trusting that God will bring us together when it's time.
Earnest:   That's good, that's good. You don't want to end up with a dud. Well you son is a billionaire.
Me:   (ok...tell me more) Oh yeah?
Earnest:   Yeah, he is a good one. But he's married. He married a dud.
Me:   Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Earnest:   Where are you from? (oh here we go again with someone thinking I'm from somewhere exotic) Are you from Colorado? (Oh. NOT what I was expecting!)
Me:   No! I'm from Iowa. I moved to Austin about 6 years ago.
Earnest:   OH! Well, I'm so glad you are here.
Me:   Thank you so much Earnest.
Earnest:   You are just so beautiful.
Me:   Thank you so much! You are so sweet.
Earnest:   You know I'm getting my bridge fixed tomorrow for my teeth.
Me:   That's so great!
Earnest:   Yeah, I woke up one day and my teeth were gone. I looked everywhere for them and I couldn't find them anywhere and I figured I probably just swallowed that damn thing. Then a week later my beautiful wife yelled at me from the laundry room and said, "Ernie, what the hell is this?" And you know what it was my teeth. She found them in the sheets!
Me:   HAHA!! that's great!
Earnest:   Well you have a super great day. You know when people ask me how I'm doing, I say "Super great". Sometimes people are surprised that I say that because I'm old and busted. But I've always lived by having a positive attitude and so I say "super great".
Me:   I think that is so good! I can tell that you enjoy life!
Earnest:   Well, I'll let you know, you should remember me and maybe we'll run into each other again someday. You just remember Earnest Smith.
Me:   Earnest, I will never forget you. Thank you so much for talking with me and making my day!
Earnest:   Bye sweet girl.

Oh my heart. I should have taken his picture. I hope that I run into him again. I should also tell you that he told so many other stories. I'm pretty sure we sat on the plywood for a good 45 minutes. I love old people.


  1. This is the greatest story. I'm sitting at my desk blubbering like a dummy. Love it. Thanks for sharing!

  2. I can't stop chuckling at this!!! And he's right, if anyone on this earth does NOT deserve a dud, it's you!!